7 Horrendous Things That Are Still Better Than Vegemite
Vegemite has been a staple in Aussie kitchens for generations. The unique taste of the iconic spread has divided taste buds across the globe.
It's the go-to gimmick whenever Australia has overseas visitors - get them to taste Vegemite for the first time. We all have a good laugh while they violently gag and struggle to cope with the repugnant flavour. But y'know what? I don't blame them.
Vegemite is pretty foul. If you disagree, you're lying to yourself and your family.
Today Vegemite announced they're expanding their range to include ice-blocks... Why? Excellent question.
I'm probably going to get dubbed 'un-Australian' for writing this, but I'll happily cop that if it means I get to avoid that horrific concoction of salty gunk.
So here are 7 horrendous things I'd rather do than allow the atrocious poison that is Vegemite to invade my mouth.
1. WRITE A 1000 WORD ESSAY USING A BLUNT PENCIL.
Imagine... Just sit there and imagine the sound that would make.
2. Watch the pathetic Mean Girls sequel
Find me one person (that isn't a psychopath) that's ever thought that would be a good idea?
3. Pick hair out of a drain.
Yuck. JUST YUCK.
4. Untangle headphones for the rest of my life.
It's the longest damn 30 seconds of my life when I have to untangle a pair of headphones. But I'd happily commit to that task for life if it meant I never had to consume Vegemite.
5. Bludgeon My Own Head With A Selection Of Homewares.
Sounds like more fun.
6. Use Chalk.
Chalk just sucks, man. You could so go through life without chalk and be totally fine.
7. Watch a FRIENDS Spin-off series where Ross is the only character.
Let's face it, he's the worst one.
So that about sums up my feelings towards Vegemite. It's a vile potion and I won't hear anything to the contrary.