What Men REALLY Thought Watching Married At First Sight
Married At First Sight is back!
If you are not familiar with the popular Channel 9 show, basically, it's people getting married at the first moment they meet it each other. They then have to honeymoon and live together. It sounds fun but really nerve-wracking.
Last year, only one of the four couples stayed together, so it's not bad a success rate compared to Tinder.
There is bound to be heaps of guys sat around Australia watching the show tonight, so I did just that.
And here is how I saw it.. As a 25 year old single guy, kind of speaking on behalf of the rest of Australia..
1. I didn’t see the first season but apparently Alex and Zoe get along well.
2. They put the dishwasher in the wrong place in their new place
3. I don’t have a dishwasher, these guys are killing it
4. They’ve been on holiday. That was how my last relationship ended.
5. They want kids, they’ve bought all the stuff already.
6. The moment a girl buys baby stuff is the moment I leave them
7. I want their dog.
8. 8 more singles are meeting at the alter for the first time.
9. That’s four couples. MATHS.
10. They are matching the couples using ‘’experts’’.
11. One of whom just draws diagrams for her life.
12. She just drew some diagrams all with ? marks in the centre
13. What did you do at work today? Just drew a question mark.
14. They get each person to sniff each others smells.
15. My smell is Lynx Africa. $4.50 a can, so, I am attractive as hell.
16. First person we meet is Christie. She’s wearing sports gear.
17. Why are you wearing sports gear on TV Christie?
18. Oh wait, theres a shot of her boxing.
19. The guy is called Mark.
20. He’s a farmer.
21. This is farmer wants a quick fix wife.
22. He’s been a FIFO work.
23. I learnt working at Maccas that means First In First Out.
24. Oh no, Fly in Fly Out.
25. They are not getting married legally.
26. This show is actually called ‘’Fake Marriage at First Sight’’.
27. Now we are on Erin.
28. She still lives with her mum and she does everything for her.
29. I mean, if I got married to Erin, I’d move in, her mum does the cooking.
30. Also, no rent.
31. ERIN IS A CATCH.
32. They need a strong man for Erin because she’s got walls up.
33. They matched her with Bryce.
34. All of his shots are him at the gym
35. There he is drinking a beer on his own.
36. WHO DOES THAT BRYCE?
37. Erin has a big nose, Bryce has a big nose.
38. They are a perfect match based on noses.
39. His nose is like wide.
40. Hers is long.
41. Nose match.
42. Now we are onto the second couple.
43. Christie is back.
44. So is Mark.
45. They are a match.
46. He has a weird tooth structure, though.
47. Family and friends time, they have to break the news.
48. No one can believe Mark is getting married.
49. His side profile of his nose is quite something.
50. It’s taking up half my TV.
51. Why does everyone have big noses?
52. If I had a big nose, does that mean I will be single until I’m 39 too?
53. Everyone jumped up and down because they are getting married in Sydney.
54. It’s just Sydney guys.
55. I am so bored of dress shopping.
56. Too many dresses.
57. Here comes Bryce.
58. He does have friends.
59. Congrats on having friends Bryce, your solo beer had me scared.
60. Can they just get married now?
61. Bryce is back in the gym again, tough man.
62. Erin is drinking heavily the night before her wedding.
63. I bet she turns up late, smelling of wine.
64. Christie just cried as she’s single
65. I am single Christie and instead of crying I just sit here telling everyone my thoughts.
66. This is great therapy.
67. Erin has asked for low level foundation.
68. I don’t even know what that means.
69. Erin wanted to get food poisoning instead of going to get married.
70. She’s got rashes, not sexually related, she’s just nervous.
71. What’s the obsession with lashes? Guys aren’t looking at your lashes, girls.
72. I couldn’t tell what the difference is with your lashes.
73. I can’t even tell when a girl has had their hair cut
74. Mark hasn’t had his lashes done.
75. He’s just put on a suit and had a beer.
76. Mark is a real man.
77. His suit isn’t the perfect fit.
78. Like, I’d want skinner fitting trousers than that Mark.
79. Cancel the wedding, his bow tie is lopsided.
80. Erin is having problems with her vows
81. Her sister reckons he will be a wog.
82. Bryce isn’t a wog, more just a solo-drinking, gym junky.
83. He’s wearing a pink tie.
84. And he’s not wearing cufflinks.
85. Saving the dollars Bryce?
86. Bryce and Erin are getting married in Melbourne’s finest rain storm.
87. Mark might not be tall enough.
88. He is pretty short.
89. Christie wants instant electricity.
90. Marks bow-tie is still lopsided
91. Here comes Bryce.
92. All those workouts have worked.
93. His shaving needs some work, one side is uneven.
94. Christie and Mark’s wedding is first.
95. It’s on a boat.
96. There’s actually no escape.
97. They just saw each other
98. Over to Erin and Bryce.
99. They aren’t on a boat.
100. I’d run away.
101. Like she’s hot but I’d be sweating through my suit jacket.
102. Erin has gone to get more grog.
103. She can’t deal so is just getting drunk
104. She’s my kind of girl
105. Lets get blind and get married Erin.
106. Here she comes.
107. Can barely walk.
108. She walked in, she swore at him straight away.
109. I think he likes her.
110. She hasn’t even looked at him.
111. OH GOD THIS IS AWKWARD
112. The vows have started.
113. Bryce grabbed her hand to calm her down.
114. Bryce is now in my mind, a lone drinking, gym junkie, nice guy.
115. You can use that on your resume, mate.
116. They have made each other laugh.
117. So, it could be love guys.
118. She’s way hotter than him.
119. Like she’s a 10, he’s like a 6.
120. Who buys the wedding rings?
121. Do you just get them from Cash Converters?
122. Like I’m not spending $4k for something she could wear for 2 days.
123. Didn’t even kiss on the lips.
124. Being married didn’t even get him a kiss.
125. Poor Bryce.
126. Mark welled up when Christie walked down the aisle.
127. I think it might be my time of the month cos I have got tears.
128. They actually look really good together.
129. He just has that one tooth that sticks out more and I just want to push it back.
130. Oh god, Christie doesn’t like him
131. No electricity.
132. SOMEONE CALL LUMO, they can connect this stuff on the day.
133. Their pastor makes them look at each other.
134. She can’t look at him.
135. He better get a kiss on the lips.
136. If marriage doesn’t get anyone a kiss on the lips, I’ll just stay single forever.
137. KISS ON THE CHEEK AGAIN
138. I am not getting married.
139. Erin and Bryce are talking about their ages.
140. There’s a six-year gap and Erin doesn’t seem keen on that.
141. The wedding photos are really awkward, like what if you get close and they have bad breath.
142. I like Erin. Like I really like Erin.
143. I’d probably marry Erin.
144. Christie and Mark’s weeding photos are awkward as hell.
145. She actually isn’t keen on him.
146. She looks like she’s crying.
147. The kiss on the lips was super awkward.
148. She’s got a sick bucket.
149. She actually is going to be sick around him
150. Mark made her ill.
151. Reception time.
152. I think Bruce and Erin are like super keen on each other.
153. Mark just got the strongest look from Christies dad.
154. Erin’s friends think her and Bruce are like ‘’super cute’’.
155. They also say like for every third word, like, that’s like, so like, cute..
156. Christie is really sick.
157. It looks like sea sickness but then experts are saying its anxiety.
158. Mark just twigged Christie doesn’t like him that much.
159. Just jump off the boat and swim I reckon Mark. It’s less awkward.
160. Erin is meeting Bryce’s mum and dad.
161. They don’t go to the gym like Bryce.
162. Their mums look like they are in love.
163. Mark’s whole wedding day has made him look like an idiot.
164. He’s smiling while she eats ice.
165. Romantic first meal of ice.
166. She’s a cheap date, I guess.
167. Mark and Christie are lying down together as she’s sick
168. It’s super cute, they are now just chatting.
169. Then she gets bored and she’s suddenly sick again.
170. She might be coming around she said ‘’he’s lovely’’.
171. Not great just lovely.
172. Erin said there might be kisses.
173. I mean she drank in the car heaps.
174. She’s just said they may go all the way..
175. BOOM BRYCE.
177. Bryce has hit a home run, here.
178. Christie isn’t sick anymore so now they are eating either Chicken or Fish.
179. Mark has made a funny speech up.
180. By funny, it’s a scripted, awkward, funnyish speech.
181. Don’t stop being a farmer Mark.
182. Please don’t.
183. Christie and Mark are getting along now and he's dancing...
184. Massive U-turn by Christie.
185. Erin is making a speech instead of Bryce.
186. She is using her phone.
187. I hope she has enough battery to get her through.
188. Seems like she’s really difficult. She basically just said she’s really difficult.
189. She has so many walls.
190. What are the walls made of?
191. If it’s like shallow wood. Bryce is going to kill it.
192. More wall chat from Bryce.
193. WE GET IT SHE’S MADE OF BRICK.
194. They are off to the honeymoon suites.
195. If this is a first date but also their marriage day, where do we stand on like going all the way?
196. I know what the guys are thinking, we don’t make the rules.
197. So like, every guy is up for it.
198. Christie and Mark are sleeping as far away from each other.
199. SHE’S MADE A PILLOW FORT.
200. Get a divorce.
201. Oh god.
202. Call the annulment people.
203. GET OUT MARK.
204. No pillow fort for Bryce and Erin.
205. They are blind.
206. They might do it.
207. She told the cameras to go.
208. BOOOM BRYCE. BOOOOOOOM
209. BRYCIE BOY HAS KILLED IT.
210. Bryce and Erin sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g, first comes marriage
211. Can’t think how to adjust the song that much more.
212. AAAAND Bedtime.
213. Do I have to watch episode 2?
Married at First Sight airs at 7:30PM on Monday and Tuesday nights on Channel Nine.