December 5th Is Bathtub Party Day
December 5th us the most magical day in December. There, I said it.
For today is Bathtub Party Day. This is the first I have ever heard of it, but somehow I've always known.
Showers have had it too good for too long. Always enjoying my nakedness in a standing position (the most unflattering of all the positions, except for maybe "handstand" and "attempting the splits"). BUT NO MORE!
Today is the day to take all the spare towels, old undies and stray hairs out of the tub and have your own Bathtub Party. #BathtubPartyDay.
But don't just get in the tub like some sort of idiot. Here are some things you might choose to take with you so that you'll never ever get out again.
I know: Duh. Everyone has their own perfect temperature, but it tends to be somewhere in the 33-39 degree range. Here's a tip: when you're feeling for the water, feel with your wrist (or elbow, like in the movies) because your hands are insensitive and untrustworthy. Just like Karen from work.
Also, as the most common reason to get out of a bath is that "it got cold", don't fill the water up the whole way, that way you can add more hot water in over the journey and prolong #BathtubPartyDay.
That might not be the proper name for it, but you know what I mean. Oils, salts, bombs, scrub, bubbles, shampoo, conditioner. Soap, I guess.
Because if you're going to sit in your own soup for a while, it might as well smell amazing.
No point marinating your outsides if you can't marinate your insides too, right?
First things first, a nice glass of cold water will be super refreshing in a hot bath, plus there's nothing worse than realising you're thirsty midway through a bath - you'll either end up having to get out or drinking your bath water.
A cup of tea. Having a bath is my favourite place to drink a cup of tea (my favourite is the shower - don't knock it until you've tried it). It's like being hugged on the inside and outside at the same time. And it's right.
Alcohol. This is the one we're really wanting to hear about. Do it. A glass bottle of wine, scotch on ice, anything out of a coconut. Your options and quantities are only limited by the length of your arms.
While it might be tempting to go for earbuds, if you have speakers, use them. Earbud cords are super annoying in a bath, and the fear of turning your head the wrong way and tugging your phone into the bath means you can never truly relax. Whatever you're listening to; radio, podcasts, streaming, set a playlist and then get your phone away from the bath. That way you won't be able to accidentally drop it in, and it'll be far enough away that you can ignore any calls and notifications that come through. (You should put it in aeroplane mode anyway, that way the notifications never even happened.)
LOTS of candles. The soft ambient light helps let your body know it's chill out time. Place them in safe places around the room and then turn the bathroom light off. You can also get LED tea candles if you want a completely worry-free experience.
If you've got some sort of actual bath pillow, just shut up and use it. But if you don't, rolling a hand towel up will work just fine, and allow you to dream of a life where you have an actual bath pillow.
I'm not super sure about this section - I'm just a guy who is very good at baths. But I'm pretty sure it involves cucumbers and green mud and things that hopefully haven't been tested on animals but if it has then hopefully it was worth it.
SOmething to do
Of course, you don't have to do anything at all, but should you desire; a book to read, an iPad to binge Netflix on (stay away from 13 Reasons Why), a journal to write in or anything else your filthy mind can think of. WINK...
Don't ruin the whole experience by getting out of the bath and immediately resuming your old, sad, pre-bath life. Keep the charade going by preparing your most expensive fluffy towel and bathrobe. If you're next-level, put fresh sheets on the bed beforehand too. I know. This must be how the Queen and successful rappers live.
have a shower
Unless you take the opportunity to wash away the day's troubles before you get in, you'll literally be sitting in them; stewing. It also helps get your body adjust to the temperature of the water more quickly. Pretend none of today happened with a quick shower.
Don't let the opportunity to share a bath with a super-pal pass you by. In an ideal world, it's your significant other. Less sexy options include Skyping your significant other or inviting over Bert and Mavis from next door.
If it is a bath for 2, take that into consideration when judging the water level or you'll end up with a puddly floor.
Also, remember to double the alcohol.
Pro Tip: It's unlikely you have a 2 person bath, so you'll have to Tetris your way to romance. My tip is to be in the bath first. That way you have the upper hand position wise, PLUS no one has to see you awkwardly lower yourself into the water.
Today is the day we were born for. Go forward. Spread the word. Lock the door. Use the hastag #BathtubPartyDay.